The Struggles of a "Growing Mom"

Today is almost over. It was a good day. Today was Caleb's second birthday. It just seems like yesterday the nurses handed me each one of my children. Will had been in the neonatal ICU for several hours before I got to see him the first time. All I could see, though, was perfection. Erin was so adorably fat, like a little marshmellow baby. Nate was 5 weeks early, scaring us a little. He needed billi lights, help with his temperature a couple of time, and he grunted for the first week. You'd never know it now. And Caleb was so small to have such cheeks, with the cutest recessed chin. All of my babies were cesarean babies, so they all had perfect rounded heads. And all of them seemed so small. I will never forget how warm that newborn bundle is the first time you hold it.

Now, they hardly resemble my babies anymore. Even Caleb talks and plays without me. He doesn't need Mommy as much. None of them want to be cuddled. But I'm still needed, when sickness comes, or boo-boo's hurt, or tummy's need filling, I'm still needed. I hope to always be needed.

I think of my parents. I still need to talk to my Daddy sometimes. Just to reassure me I'm still his "little girl." And I still call Mom when I need womanly advice. They don't always say what I want them to say, but they are still my parents. I have always been "Daddy's little girl," and I suppose I always will be!

It a strange thing, to sit in the quiet of night and think about your kids. I want them to grow up to be good people. But at the same time, I want them to stop growing! I want to always be their Mommy. Erin will say, "Mmoooommmm!" and I'll say right back, "Eeeerrrrr!" She doesn't like being called "Er". I don't like being called "Mom". She'll get it and try again, "Momma..." Sigh, another near miss of growing up! Someday, she'll call me "Mom" no matter how I feel about it. But for the moment, she's still my little girl.

Now, Caleb's birthday is officially over. Another year come and gone. At least I didn't miss it!

Good night, my babies! I love you! Sleep tight! (And stop growing so fast!)